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“Mera Wala PIZZA”
VOL – II
Ciao
Let’s bring you up to
speed on the dating scene today
if your last
relationship lasted longer than a cold or maybe for a few hours then you may
wanna read this, for everyone else - try it like your first time
if you missed your
youth then it’s time to have some fun
Purani Jawani yaad
aajaigi BC (Before Covid)
New kids on the
block
Rumour has it You look
for polished but fall for Looney
You call yourself
Sapiosexual but a sucker for Banter
If you are a loner, it
starts with your friend telling you to hook up on the app
If you are heart
broke, had a bad experience, love gone wrong or on a rebound, you are suggested
to make your profile & get out there
If you are waiting for
the one, then well do something about it or else Aunty Ji will show that
chocolate boy neighbour or the pyari ladki everyone was talking about at the
last wedding that she attended
Faux pas – You have
a “MATCH”
1 constant in the
ever-changing universe
let me tell you what’s
HOT besides my Coffee
Influx of population
to the “Tinderalla Women’s world” has grown & how…
Of course, men
followed, you know the insta “follow button” was invented for Men.
On the app (not insta
duuu), most of the profiles will say “I ain’t active here”
you: hmmm, no prob
lets go to another & another, but you find similar stuff
next one said “you can
catch me on my insta handle
Crazy part is that
they are finding followers to promote whatever, doing everything but finding a
fuckin date…
Aur mein apni Pan ki
Dukan ko advertise karunga… lets get one thing straight I can also do that,
classy nahi hai… phir rules kyo hai bhai
the next one said
“only looking for Friends” I was like “Then go to Netflix” WTF are you doing
here, haha
Lo bhai, yaha toh
agenda hi kuch aur hai… its true
Last I checked this
place was for dating, otherwise all are on the app for 1 thing… eventually of
course all leads to that. Ya for some maybe years
itni mehnat kari, eyes
aur fingers are hurting now… “Na ho paiga”
While bumble bee
challenges aerodynamics
Tinderalla you better
be sassy & the match better look sharp
I hate to break your
heart but there is nothing like a Man’s World, it never existed since Kings had
like a Million wives, that too was made up by an intelligent Woman
I think, Beautiful =
Woman. A Perfect 10
& because of this
very reason, Men can’t be a 10, so get in line
like the real world,
Tinderalla is definitely a Women’s world & I am Un-bias of this opinion;
then why should the Guy always make the 1st move?! There is no rule
in this universe however the dating ecosystem has defined rules otherwise… food
for thought
This phenomenon
Mushroomed over the past few…
speaking of which I
come to its party piece…
Fun Fuckin Fact
While on the hunt for
the future partner, some want a Perfect 10 in your element
A wonderful analogy - While
others settle for a Mera Wala Pizza – thin crust, extra cheese, if you feel
wild then tikka masala toppings… or mushroom + olives else the classic
Margarita
Good Food makes up for
the shortcomings
Shaunk se bara kuch
nahi
Aur Swaad toh
simple mein bhi hai boss
You know how it is
when you wanna freakin craft a person out, wo hi hai Mera Wala PIZZA, it comes
under make your own Pizza section
But then life’s a
bitch, you usually don’t get what you want & damn tough to want what you
have…
EVERYONE LIKES PIZZA
The Harmony between
tomatoes & cheese, balanced taste
Dating is like pizza,
its cheesy & you want it your way, your style, your flavours, you keep
finding that pizza joint which makes it as per you
Let me Paint picture
for you & the fact of the matter is…
Dominos don’t serve a
good pizza but known for quick delivery
While considering the
taste of the Pizza, Fat Lulus comes to your mind
hands down Dominos is
no competition when it comes to taste!
So it all comes down
to simple things
Do you want “fast food
Dominos” or “fine dining Fat Lulus”
Make up your melons
If you’re wanting to
get married, hmmm I think you’re crazy but then everyone wants to have the
Pizza they love the most… you try it, you like it, you buy it on repeat
but then who
likes Pizza everyday! That’s when it hits you
For those imaging
themselves in a wedding dress… gulp
If you enter a
Pizza place you won’t get a Thali meal
Mushrooms are to
Pizza what looks are to attraction or medium roast arabica is to coffee
trying to survive with
a smile…
Silly to ask
Obvious questions - are you flirting with me? Like seriously! duuu
Doesn’t take an
expert to guess
Dating app talkies (Alias
names)
2 Women be like –
JeLo: can you believe
this… some guy called me beautiful
Poo: what a Creep!
JeLo: giving him radio
silence.
Poo: does he have Wit
JeLo: I am a
Sapiosexual, who does he think he is…
Poo: is he married?
JeLo: he didn’t update
the status on his Bio
Poo: un-match him
2 Men be like –
Jobs: I got a match
Musk: WTF, is she Hot
Jobs: she is gorgeous
Musk: ask her out
Jobs: she said I must
be a Dog person… is that a thing
Musk: you’re
practically one yourself
Jobs: she broke up
with me
Musk: world record for
the shortest relationship
Things that make
you go hmmm
Expectations
·
if
Audacious – find a Billionaire
·
simple –
find a date
Perception
·
drop dead
gorgeous, charming & even intelligent. Wah!
·
Give all
your attention to me… haha
Reality
·
Has a
Paunch
·
Super
Boring
Aiyo Aiyo Aiyo!!!
Don’t let your
college degree give you a headache
like my
Basketball coach used to say…
“No rules if you
wanna play the game of hearts”
Getting started to
make your Bio… that’s what you kids call it nowadays
Simple shit but you
Elon Musk into the exercise… What makes you happy?
So Coffee, Fast Cars,
Getaways, Music & Sports are a given for me
most common for everyone
is comfort Food… hmmm Lazy too, rather put up some skills if you got any – like
dancing
How can I forget the
animal lovers… Moron its not Non-veg, it means those with Pet pix… rather
aajkal Vegan is Swag
This is the incredibly
Hilarious part, these profiles are like a Trailer of a Horror movie… describing
the Version of themselves in such a manner which won’t get them a date… maybe
they had bad experiences but how can one paste it on their Bio!!! I don’t even
know what that means.
Then those who have
such high standards that they’ll never find anyone. I read them like this –
“Gift to Mankind” or you can say they are a Demi-God, perhaps that makes the other
a Devil, interesting
Matlab writing about
what they hate in the opposite sex… How to Talk & walk
I think they need a
Dog, while most always say “you need to get along with my Dog” & post a
click with their pooch, acha that’s how the style got so famous hmmm
Unless you’re famous or
a Bitcoin nobody cares… that being said, to my next
Time Travel
Like Bitcoin, it is
what you believe!
But you gamble &
if you have an appetite for how much…
you don’t know what,
how or when things work out & change for yourLovelySelf
If you can argue on
colours – this is not Pink or that one is Red not Orange etc
Then its simple
either you don’t have
a life (Present)
Or
you are divorced (Past)
Or
don’t get married! (Future)
when your relationship
has gone from dapper to boxers then you need to worry because the other is
fishing, That’s an over share
Back to the
Playlist
Kaise kia John
Legend uncle?
all of me, loves all of you
even when I lose, I’m winning
ohhh aise, Theek
hai Theek hai
We’re talking Pizza,
so we must look at Cheesy Liners…
“Coffee break”, I do
better post Re-fills
See ya in a Few
Grazie
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